The legend of Titanium Joe begins

Titanium Joe saved my life. That story will come later. For now you gotta find out about the man himself.

The year is 1986. Sugar Joe and his boys are rollin up on some shawtys in Joe’s dropped el camino with the candy paint. Joe and Hammerhead Hank are two black gang members out for an afternoon drive. Joe is a scrawny tall guy with long corn rows and a big puffy red jacket on, complete with red bandana and black jeans. Joe just polished his gator skins so he told Hank to drive. Hank had a red bulls jersey with Jordan 23 on the back and a black and red bulls hat that sits high on his head.

Joe swivels his head to the side and mumbles, “Hhhamma, stop right nah ima holla at dis bitch up ‘ere.”

The two hoodlums get out of the car and start walkin after a nubian princess with legs that go on for days. Tight little skirt and a tanktop, suckin on a lollipop, this bitch knows she’s fine and she walks with a swagger. “Baby gimme dat lollipop, you gon rot ya teef. I can’t have my future wife walkin around with stank ass teef like hammahead.”

The girl keeps walking as if nothing happened. She picks up the pace slightly, but does not seem to even care about the presence of the two creepy dudes following her.

“Sugar, man, das not cool…wait a minute who the fuck is that down there?”

Joe peers past the sexy dime piece and sees two guys with blue bandannas tied around their heads. “Fuck. Thas dem crips that been runnin us outta the crack game. They gonna cause a ruckus if they know we bloods, gimme my piece.”

Hammer hands Joe the chunky silver pistol that he had in the back of his jeans. Joe tucks it away in the front of his sweatpants and keeps walking towards his lady. “Gimme your pager number baby, I be nice to you I promise.”

A booming voice came from a little past the hoochie. “Who the shit you hollerin at son*? Thas my main fuck you tryin to pick up and I aint with that.” The two crips were standin in a doorway hands on their waste.

“I been tryin to get my future wife to know whas good but I think she got wax in them pretty little ears.” Joe said with a smile.

BANG!

BANG!

Hammerhead shot one of the crips in the shoulder. Joe got the other in the gut. As they ran away from the bloody scene Joe screamed, “Peace, baby, I still love you don’t hold this against me!”

*sonning as explained at the end of this

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2 hour Season Finale Thursday @9

Lets rant about public transportation Part I

Dark sunglasses and an ipod. Thats the disguise that I don, just like everyone else who doesn’t want to be bothered on the T into Boston every morning. The shades stay on even when going through tunnels. Lemme learn you why i do this…

The thing that I’ve noticed when you tune out the rest of the world with that get up: people have no idea if you are looking at them or even listening to their conversations. And that is awesome. People look at a person in sunglasses all the time just to avoid that awkward eye contact with the rest of the naked eyed commuters. Sometimes when I notice people looking at me and they think I don’t notice them i do somethin creepy like stick out my tongue, or fake pick my nose, then they do the weirdest little things to pretend like they weren’t looking at you.

People who ride the T are so damn inconsiderate too. The main thing that pisses me off is the escalator, but some people is just ign’ant and dont no any betters. The rule is: stand on the right, walk on the left. When I’m in a hurry to get to work and some douche is standing on the left side I get the urge to spit on them.

When someone needs to get off the train and they realize last minute that the door is gonna close on them, all of a sudden they’re Devin Hester and the rest of the passengers are the opposing team’s punt squad and they push everyone out of the way. I always laugh when the door closes and now they have 20 new enemies that they bumped into.

I also get pissed off by the guys trying to hand out Metro newspapers and when i say no they offer it to me in spanish, and im like “lo siento hijo tu eres un pedazo de mierda y no quiero leerlo ahora.” (hey diorio, thats a foreign language sonning*…throw it in the translator) Speaking of foreign languages…nah i’ll rant about that another time

Many people who ride the train refuse to practice good personal hygiene. I don’t know what it is, but the smelly people always wind up sitting next to me and they try to cuddle. If its coffee breath and u have this problem everyday because Dunkin Donuts doesnt hand out toothbrushes with their coffee anymore, there is an easy modern solution. It was just invented in 50 AD so not everyone knows about it, its called chewing gum and it masks your disgusting breath, try it slob.

Alright thats it for Part I. Gimme a couple more weeks of commuting and i’ll have more.

Late,

Crobs

*Sonning- when you unnecessarily use the word “son” to degrade someone, repeatedly or not. Son, sonned, sonning… ie “Dude I sonned my boss at work today i was like ‘your welcome for that delicious bagel and coffee son.’”

Let’s play

Last summer, Me and TRMD were in Marsh Vegas with the crew and we wandered off into the water with a tennis ball. Everyone else was on the beach drinkin and playin polish horse shoes, but we had the urge to “play”. When you’re a little kid you play everyday  of your life, you don’t even think about it you just walk outside and do it. When you get to be quarter-aged like us though it gets harder and harder to do so because everyone works or gets too lazy. After we threw the tennis ball around and dove for it, making fools of ourselves, we discussed what just happened. We realized that we had just played for a solid hour and it felt rejuvenating.

It has become our goal this summer to play as much as possible. Me and sly have already started kicking the soccer ball around here and there, but we don’t want to limit ourselves to just one thing the possibilities are endless. Frisbee, wiffleball, American football… i’m sure we will even invent some new games along the way.

more to come on this front.

Play.

Robbs

Weezy tutorial

So sly has been in spain since january. Weezy has come out with exactly 4,179 songs since then. Since sly came home me macca and TRMD have been tryin to get him up on the times, we still have like 30 albums to get through.

Weezy’s “a millie”

when i die…

i want my “legend to precede me like thunder does lightning” –dos equis commercial

New music by Nas, Ursh ft Jigga

Nas-Nigger (slave and the master)

This was supposed to be the name of his album, but he bitched out and now says it’ll be called Nas. I think white people will be more comfortable buying it by the new name.

Not one of Nas’s best to tell u the truth so i’m not even putting the video on here

Usher ft Jay Z- Best Thing

I like the beat, the song itself is decent….by the way, where has urshur been lately?

Lupe Fiasco-Daydream

I always loved this song off of Lupe’s Food and Liquor album. Then they came out with the AT&T commercial that has the original song that Lupe sampled and I haven’t been able to stop listening to it since. I don’t really like the commercial cuz its kinda sketchy but Lupe does no wrong in my eyes (even when he forgot the words during the tribute to Tribe).

Lupe’s Daydream

AT&T’s

I’m getting these

New Adidas Fit Foam sandals…more comfortable than anything i’ve ever put on my feet, except new socks but thats a given.

I Think I Saw a Ghost…Or an Angel

So every day I walk by this church on my way to my internship. Its a huge stone church in the south end of Boston and it looks extra creepy. I always get a weird feeling when I walk by it, almost as if I can feel a presence. I always walk with my ipod playing and usually I just walk by buildings and have no reason to look at them or anything, I usually just keep my head down or look straight ahead, but this building is different. I am always forced to look at it and inspect the stones and the archways and stuff…its really odd. Sometimes there are people outside of the church eating lunch and just chillin, priests, poor people, but nobody is ever just out there by themselves.

Then, I was walking to the train yesterday and I saw this guy with a beige/white fedora hat, a big off-white poofy dress shirt, same color white pants, and yet again the same color white shoes. Then to top it all off he had a banana peeled and was just eating the inside of it, which just so happened to be the same color as all his clothing. He had a walker too and was just chillin by the dumpster of the church. I got an even weirder feeling than usual when I walked by…it was the same kind of feeling i usually get but magnified times 100. I walked down the block a little bit and I was so curious about this dude that I looked back…gone. He was nowhere to be found and so I picked up my pace and almost sprinted to the train. The whole time the song that was on my ipod: “Somebody’s Got to Die” from Notorious B.I.G.’s Life After Death Album….fucked.