I have this freaky thing about me that I’m allergic to certain fruits. Its due entirely to my own stupidity because I was never allergic to either of the things until I ate them in mass quantities. Let me tell you about the time I found out I was allergic to cherries:
My uncle Jimmy lived a long and awesome life. When he died my family went out after his funeral to celebrate that life. We decided to go to the outback to partake in this celebration, keep in mind I was 13 years old, a smart ass, and showing off for all my relatives. It started off when I gave this 80 year old woman my cell phone number on a coaster…she didn’t ask for it (i was pretty eager to give out the number cuz i had just gotten it).
So my whole family sits down at like 3 tables that were all waited on by the same wise ass bitch. She was nice and funny but she was a little ditzy and needed a smack or somethin. I ordered a Shirley Temple and the fuckin dyke didn’t give me any cherries so i was all “Excuse me broad? Can I get some cherries for this drink…it is a Shirley Temple after all.”
seriously though, who the fuck is allergic to cherries?
And she’s all, “Oh sorry about that I’ll be right back.” Two minutes later she shows up with a full cup of cherries and a full smile to accompany it…fuckin wise ass.
So what’d I do? Thats right I ate every last one of them even though my mom told me not to. Then the food came, I got a Drover’s platter like I always do (I know exactly what I’m getting at most chain restaurants before I walk in. I look at the menu just to pass time.) As I was eating my food I started to feel a little warm. I ignored it and kept eating.
I saw a bump on my arm and I scratched it…then another one a couple inches away. So i scratched. All the while I was trying to hide this and keep it away from everyones attention. Then my mom blows up my spot and shes all “Oh shit Chris. You shouldn’t have eaten all those cherries. You’re breaking out all over ur face and neck.”
Shit. I hate it when Mom’s right and I have allergic reactions to things she warns me about…it wasn’t the first time. So we went to Stop and Shop, got some benadryl, and I passed out before I could even finish my delicious meal.
You know how much it sucks to not be able to eat cherries? Real bad. No more shirley temples. ice cream sundaes without a cherry? blasphemous. No more cherry garcia ice cream.
Well…thats the story about how I’m allergic to cherries. Next blog post will be my next food allergy. Some of you already know what fruit it is, the rest will just have to wait.
Stay fresh.
Chris top her
