This has been frustrating me so much I’m dusting off the cobwebs and firing up the old Little Boxes machine. Last night I went out for Halloween and saw some great costumes, saw some hilariously bad costumes, but most of all I saw unoriginal, overused, dumb costumes that people thought were a great idea.
I have some very specific qualifications for my costumes every year. I either need to look really good, make people laugh, or make people say “holy shit, that was creative”. On top of all that I don’t pay more than 20 bucks per costume…ever. Store bought costumes are weak anyways, but sometimes people pull them off really well. For the most part my hating on costumes disregards girls because as long as you look sexy your hooters girl/playboy bunny/officer/whatever costume can be as unoriginal as possible. Just be hot. Fat and ugly girls you need to be creative and funny and maybe you can get a pass.
With that said, me and Sly went out as Elmo and Cookie Monster last night. Not the most creative, not the funniest, and I definitely didn’t look “good”, but people laughed and took their pictures with us all night. Also, they were borrowed costumes so it cost free dollars which is less than 20. There was another Elmo and he looked like a loser because he didn’t have a fellow Sesame Streeter. Once I got drunk I started asking everyone if they could show me how to get to Sesame Street and they ate it up like they ate up the cookies sly was carrying around.
Now for the real point of my rant. If guys are going to be generic like a cowboy or a ninja, do that as a group costume and rock the shit out of it. People get their rocks off from a swarm of ninjas running around a club doing cartwheels and climbing up walls and shit. But nobody wants to see one random cowboy hatted douche line dancing by himself.
If you’re going to dress up from a movie there are 2 criteria to be met: The movie must be from the last year or has to be more than 10 years old. If you’re dressing up as what’s his dick from the Hangover this year, sorry buddy, you missed the boat on that one. I don’t care if you have the baby, the glasses and the stance down pat, you should have done it last year.
Here’s a short list of guys costumes that need to cease and desist, effective immediately:
Hugh Hefner, Mario and Luigi, Willy Wonka/Captain Jack Sparrow, Jersey Shore
and the laziest costume of all time
Throwing on a baseball tshirt and using eyeblack
